I Hear Clouds
Two months ago I started to hear a constant buzz in my ears, at times like the drone of bees, sometimes like a constant drill muffled, at others high-pitched like a dog whistle. Before heading to the GP I already suspected the diagnosis would be Tinnitus. On my first visit I was told it would disappear in a couple of weeks and to sleep with the radio on (as trouble sleeping was the thing most dragging me down). On my second visit a different Doctor told me the exact opposite. Not to sleep with the radio on, to remain hopeful as by this point I was left with Tinnitus in my right ear only, but to expect the long haul. On both visits I stumbled out onto the pavement thinking “How am I meant to cope with this exactly?” Advice had been vague and conflicting.
Trying to explain what suffering from Tinnitus is like has been challenging for me, you’re probably best listening to someone who has been afflicted with this for years. It’s not like pointing to a bad tooth and saying “this one hurts”, or expressing a chest infection by the accompanying coughs and wheezes, or showing an open wound and screaming “Argh! The Blood”. It’s invisible to all but you and your brain. In that respect it’s frustrating, makes you feel like you’re going mad at times and is extremely isolating.
Because of my patient partner wanting to try to understand what I am dealing with I started to read up and talk about it more instead of defiantly thinking this was something I had to deal with alone. Eddy Temple Morris, via Twitter, lead me to the British Tinnitus Association’s awareness week. They’re dedicating time to make sure people don’t have the same experience as me when they turn to their GP’s for advice and guidance. It’s also lead me to realise just how common Tinnitus is and how a ton of people still go to gigs, still play gigs in fact (Eddy Temple Morris, Jarvis Cocker) and certainly don’t let it alter an energetic, happy, full life. In other words “Don’t let the Tinnitus grind you down”. All those gigs I’ve been too and never thought to wear ear plugs before. If music plays a big part in your life you need to look after your “Lugholes” as my Dad would call them. If you suffer from Tinnitus please follow their brilliant efforts this week.
Lying in bed one night my other half said for a few moments he could hear strange noises in his head and tried to put himself in my shoes (or ear drums). He said it felt like the noise he’d expect to hear if he was in a cloud. That’s what I think to myself when I can’t sleep now, it’s oddly comforting. I can hear clouds.
An added playlist for you which you can play on Spotify ♥
- The Dead Weather – I can’t hear you
- Blondie – Fan Mail
- The Buzzcocks – Moving Away From The Pulse Beat
- Wire – Eardrum Buzz
- Loop – Arc-Lite
- Garbage – Push It
- The (ear) Drums – Forever and ever amen
- Jonathan Richman – Buzz Buzz Buzz
- Groove Armada – Fall Silent
- Depeche Mode – Enjoy The Silence
***Follow me on Twitter***